Its not there anymore

Feeling so down now. I told myself to keep this inside and not show it out. But i just cant. I've been having this weird feeling since last night and when today arrived, i almost didnt want to wake up.
Could u stand your boyfriend showing u a black face when he can be laughing with other girl, and u by their side? Seriously i cant. but i didnt want to make this a big thing. i kept it to myself. until just now after i finish class. u raised your voice to me. wtf u think i am? u think this almost 3 years relationship can make u take me for granted?
U always tell me how much u love me and so. But is this call love? U not caring about me and talking and laughing with another girl? And fetching her to college and make me late for class? and even sms me to ask why didnt i wait for u? If u cant do small things like this for me other guys can do it for me. I cant afford to have this kind of feeling in me. Sorry but i have to go through my studies and your just not my everything.
Honestly, i fall in and out of love easily. and after what happened, i just cant tell u confidently that im still so in love with u anymore. u always convince me that im your only one, how much u love me, how much u care about me. and all the trust i gave to u, this is what i get? and u cant even tell me what both of u were laughing about. there was a moment of pause when i told u about this. but somehow, she can make u laugh and not me.
Im not the kind of girl who can just think that nothing has happened and keep it to myself, im not. I rather get done and over with it now than to wait for u repeating the same thing again.
Tell me, how many times i gave u a chance to prove yourself and how many times u fail me?
So, just now when i was on the way back home, i feel so different, taking public transport home. But at least there were company so that i dont feel so bad. All the people that u hate? those are the people who were there for me when u just throw me there. Even an outsider sense that im not okay. What more u? And u didnt even care about me. Yea, just an sms. And its a photostated sms that u usually send to me. "Im sorry etc". Do u even think this is what i want to hear from u? No this is not. After how long, u still dont understand me.
Im doubting how long can our relationship last. the trust is not there anymore, for me. and for u, it was never there. You are the one who are so cautious about the people around me, and did u see me laughing with other guys and show u a fucked up face before? NO! and how much i trust u, you're the one doing things like this to me. u dont allow me to go out late, dont allow me to keep contact with my friends, dont allow this and that. Have i got these 'rules' on u? NO! that's because i trust u(although i dont knw how many times u did things like this). and i told u before, if u want to flirt and whatsoever i dont mind, as long as i dont know and u dont let me see u doing it.
I have so many things in mind now, and i cant seem to put all in words. I dont even know what should i do now. Last time when im mad, u'll throw everything u have in hand and come accompany me even if i insist saying that i want to be alone. But now, you're different. Dont u feel that u're changing? U're slowly taking me for granted, u dont care about me as much as last time, u're starting to change into another person.
I just cant believe it. I dont think U last time will laugh with a girl, talking to her and not me.
And i was stupid enough to give in to so many things. I sacrifice my everyday for u. I skipped class just to accompany u for 2 hours before your class starts. the only day u have to wait for me and i skipped class just so u dont have to be alone. and me? always the one waiting. when your class starts, i'll automatically find something to do. 2 hours? 4 hours? and after i finish my class, i have to wait for u again.
U have class, i have class too. i have to wait for u so many hours stupidly and i never complain about anything. u on the other hand, just gave me that face and walked off alone after taking my files and books. dont u always wait for me?
When you're pissed at me, u asked me "why u can laugh and smile to other guys and not talk to me?".. then why are u laughing with another girl and not talking to me when i did nothing wrong to you? have u ever cared about how i feel?
Seriously, i know im repeating everything over and over again. but its my blog and im unhappy, i can write anything i want.
Until today, only i know who are the people that will be by my side. definitely not u, coz u were never once by my side when im down. yes u were, the times when both of us quarrel and when we mend things back together again. Those were the times. other than that, u only sms me to asked. and i could almost memorize what u will reply me. not even to drive me somewhere or call me to talk.
This is u.

Last night in Japan

Basically, i have nothing to talk bout in this post..

coz almost whole day in Universal Studio of Japan..

arrived in USJ..

my fav, Elmo baby..

first ride..

farking awesome..

its in 4D..so imagine that..i screamed like a mad lady..

i thought im gonna fall from a building but Spidy saved me..

its a whole story line thing..but serious shit awesome..

not wasted for queuing so long..even if its a less than 10 minutes thing..

Then also Jurassic Park..

the ending was awwwweeeeesoooommmeee...

thought that Dinosaur was gonna eat me up..

then climax fall from above..

dont even knw wanna be gan jiong the dino eat me up or fall from above..

also, water splashing thing..

wasted i sat right in the middle..

didnt get much of the splashing..

Hello Kitty shop..



Bought so many stuff here coz i was so down in Disneyland i didnt buy anything..
so ganti back in USJ..
spent around 10k yen itself in USJ..





dinner..had KOBE BEEF..
start drooling now pls..

Awesomest beef ever in my life..im not exaggerating..

but exp la..

7500 yen per piece..and its not a thick fatty piece..

its a small thin and kuci piece..

me and mom one per person..

i dont even knw any word in the world can describe this awesome thing..

i cant describe, im not good at it(yea i admit)..

apparently, the cow(cow=beef right?)..

listens to music..

drink beer(exp japanese beer)..

shower and stuff..
that's why the meat is so farking tender..

i ate a small piece rare(not cooked)..

there u go..

a camwhore pic with my kobe beef..

fyi, if u eat this piece of meat in Malaysia, its about rm400..

and 7500 yen is about(convert rate 3.5) rm 263..

u say worth it or not?

salmon..i just ate this 6 pieces of salmon and kobe for dinner..

After dinner, went to an outlet shop..

bought a nike shoes for 4420 yen..bout rm160?

cheap like hell..

wanted to buy a pair boots, but how often will i wear it?

loves,

Japan

Day 4 was nice and a little disappointing..

coz didnt get to shop much at the 'shopping place'..

everything closes so early there..bout 8.30..

our hotel was very near the train station..

Shinkansen station..from tokyo to osaka took about 15minutes..

if by car maybe 1 hour?

fyi, its bullet train, not our lrt..

look like yap pun yan?

waited for our driver to come..

our driver depart 1 hour earlier than us and he came later than us..

proven how fast is the bullet train..

but u dont feel the speed from inside the train..

only from outside u can see how fast it travel..

Then, had lunch at Kyoto..

famous for geisha(ppl who 'sell' art but not their body)

and this place is has the most cherry blossom..

i mean its already blooming..

unlike the previous days..

Kiyomizu temple..

nothing much..

went in there to pray..

and the people were havng a ceremony..

so we prayed as well..

this is hong kong yan(hongkee)..

only after that we knew she was not japanese..

wtf..and she got scared of us she ran away, coz her bf got angry and left her..

super wtf..

and this is the most famous place for ppl to suicide during this time..

coz cherry blossom blooming and its nice, so the ppl decided to kill themselves here..

and the background, the spot im standing is like the most 'memorable' place and ppl should take a photo there..

this is wht i heard i duno if its true..

Coke 24/7

but its freaking exp there..

bout 200yen means rm7?

toldja their standard of living damn high..

our dinner..

bubbly fish..

is it wht ppl call it?

only pro ppl knows how to slice the fish..

coz if wrongly cut, the ppl who eat it will be poisoned..

After that, went shopping for half an hour?

not satisfied AT ALL..

i thought i can at least buy 10 items but i bought bout 5 only?

evrything was closed by the time we finish having dinner..

super disappointed..

dont remind me..

then, Hyatt Hotel for the night..

Mount Fuji

Third day was awesome and shitty..

awesome coz it snowed ..

shitty coz alot of plan cancelled due to the weather..

right outside our hotel..

@Mount Fuji..

only manage to go up to first level coz it was snowing..

and the clouds were covering M.F..

SO we just took pic around that area..

went in the bus coz cant see M.F..

it was freaking cold..coz of the wind..not the snow..

There u go..Mount Fuji from inside the bus..

then, went to some random place..

took this pic for my mom and i thought it was pretty..

so i asked mom to take a pic for me..

this is the result..

totally fail..

had lunch nearby..

and it started snowing..

i was so excited..

coz it was my first time experiencing 'snow'..

i cant stand the cold, so i've never been to anywhere during winter..

but it wasnt really that cold..

maybe i was too excited, i dont know..

coz of the snow, we were stucked at the place for 2hours?

cars crashed..

some cant even move coz of the thick snow..

the bus that i took had to put chain around the tyre to move..

apparently this is what they do during winter when the snow is thick..

otherwise, the car cant move..

see the snow?

jealous?

im jealous of myself now looking back at all these pictures..

back in the bus after playing the in the snow..

then, by the time we were away from the mount fuji area it was already time for dinner..

all the plan was cancelled..

(but some replaced on another day)

the little girl that i kept disturbing when i was there..

my dinner that night..

by far the best dinner of that 3 days..

then, went back to the hotel..

forgot what hotel i stayed in but it was pretty..

I dont know why my hair look as though it had some hair band thing on..

must be all the snow..

magical..

the third day was the least adventurous..

but bcoz of all the snow, it was all enough..

i think i wanna go somwhere during winter next time..

wanna go skiing, and whatever winter activities there are..